From Mr. And Mrs. DiGiorgio on their son, Mario DiGiorgio (author)....
*He used to be so pure and innocent. He played with Smurfs and Hot Wheels; ate mustard sandwiches; and went to Sunday school. We miss him dearly. We don't know this person who writes of apathy, blasphemy, and excessive masturbation. Those puppies-dog eyes now nest in the skull of a pit bull. We raised a good boy, and we want him back.
A NOTE FROM AUTHOR, MARIO DIGIORGIO-
*Please note that if you are offended by any of the following content, the author strongly suggests you educate yourself on the finer points of parody. Getting offended is just insecurity with a fake nose and mustache. Evolve.